The text message responses became sluggish to reply, sometimes they even went totally unanswered. The excuses to not hang out on the weekends piled up faster than bad reviews did when Boo! A Madea Halloween was premiered in 2016. You suspected something was wrong. You asked friends, you were told you were paranoid. But then, lo-and-behold, he accidentally text you, “you were amazing last night, and free drinks at the Mondrian’s bar wasn’t bad either : ).” You know it’s an accidental text because, of course, you were never at the Mondrian, nor the recipient of cocktails that likely cost around $30 per each.
You were right. He’s a slime bag that’s been ghosting you for something he likes better.
Life happens to both guys and girls. And it always has moments of pure suckage.
Embrace Your Anger (but make sure it has a timeline)
Anger is a gift, at least according to Rage Against The Machine (man, those guys were super angry a lot). There is truly nothing wrong with allowing anger to pivot you in a changed direction which presents you with new opportunity and fresh hope. Just make damn sure that new direction is beneficial to you and not one of criminal activity.
If you are upset because you were fired from a job, and you set out to learn new skills and get a new job that pays more, that’s a wonderful use of your anger. If you are upset that you were fired from a job and you start Googling “how to burn down my former boss’s home” and you go to Home Depot and buy supplies and then burn his or her home down, that’s a poor use of your anger.
The point is, when it comes to feeling jaded over rejection, deception or manipulation, your reaction shouldn’t be one that appeases an internal firing squad. Rather, it should be one that motivates you to move on in a progressive, advancing way.
And this is exactly why “revenge” is under no uncertain terms, a slippery, dangerous slope. “Revenge” implies that you want to tear down the former establishment, whether that former establishment is the job that fired you or the boyfriend who took an Applebee’s waitress to the Mondrian hotel for a lavish, romantic weekend. Sure, sending him an email and letting him know that he “screwed up” is fine. But plotting to key his car and trying to get him in the Google search results as “Barry has STD” is not healthy.
Revenge Body: Healthy or not?
Revenge bodies are all the rage. Khloe Kardashian got a revenge body (revenge bodies are an eye of the beholder experience, folks). Khloe’s revenge body probably costed a measly $100k, but all the same, she got one. You probably don’t have $100k lying around to spend on new work, however, I’m confident you get the point. Honestly, I don’t really know how Khloe got her revenge body, I just sort of despise all things Kardashian at this point.
A revenge body mentality, spawned from a vicious humiliating breakup, can certainly be healthy. Anything that gets you to head in a healthier direction is without a doubt, good. But the thing is, the revenge body approach by many people isn’t healthy.
When is a revenge body mentality unhealthy?
It goes on far too long. At some point, your anger over the past needs to dissipate and be filled in by your ambition for a better you. In other words, your former lover can’t continue to drive you to be better. At some point, you need to drive you to be healthy. If you are a year in to your new healthy you and it remains that you are still a puppet for your ex, you aren’t in a healthy place mentally. Improved health should mean a better quality of life, a longer life, lower blood pressure, a healthier weight, a sharper mind, a better influence on your friends or kids….the list goes on.
You don’t approach your revenge body in a healthy way. Eating 500 calories a day isn’t going to cut it. Taking speedy pills are going to harm your heart and other organs. If you are trying to get that revenge body in two weeks so you can walk into your man’s former job and make him feel as though a pitchfork is being driven into his gut, you’re taking a majorly unhealthy approach to the revenge body. A good body is made with daily, consistent effort. You need to eat proper calories. You need to exercise. You need to put healthy foods in your body, such as lean meats, green veggies and fruits and nuts. Starving yourself can have dire consequences on your organs.
When is a revenge body healthy?
When the “revenge” timeline is short in duration and transitions you into a new lifestyle that you love aside from your feelings of rejection and anger. A revenge body is healthy when the strategy to achieve it is centered around healthy eating and physical activity.
There is nothing wrong with a little sweet revenge, just make sure it doesn’t go on too long and the motivations derived from the revenge make you a better, healthier person.